My SAW III Experience

So I was home alone doing some serious studying...feeling really hungry I went into the kitchen n' fixed me something to eat...I decided to take a break n' watch some TV...I flipped through some channels n' then there it was SAW III was on almost half way through...I didn’t even see the I n' II though I was planning to do that cuz my friend told me it is too sick even for me!! I had my doubts about that so I thought watching it w'd be something but eating while doing so will be the ultimate something :P...when it was over I was happy that I managed to keep all the food down though I felt nauseous for a couple of hours after that n' YES!!! IT IS SICK!!! more than I thought it w'd be!! but I guess being alone all the cursing n' freaking out really helped :P...n' BTW I was so alarmed to see how average the guys who made all this up looks like!!!

Addicted to Numbness

Am not a control freak but the person I really enjoy controlling the most is me...being able to block all unwanted feelings n’ pointless thoughts just to be able to function well as human being cuz I just know that dealing with those w’d require too much time n’ energy all which I can’t afford these days...just giving in n’ letting my mind go numb in away a bomb w’d fall near me n’ it wont even bother me much...ppl. w’d be fighting n’ killing each other in front of me n’ I won’t even care to say a word...ppl. sometimes wonder what kind of drugs am on...but I swear to God am not using any...not that I haven’t thought of it before but no I don’t need it when I can do this...though am not so sure about the side effects cuz am really starting to think it’s addictive...something I’ve been doing for no good reason lately...not knowing if it’s a good or a bad thing am still a very happy person but a thoughtless n’ emotionless one!!!...

• Pulling the plug on what I used to call my brain
• In a way I won't have to give in to my pain
• Surrender to being comfortably thoughtless
• Don’t care for sparks, I love my darkness!
• Go on n' take the lead, I don’t have to follow
• Am here today n' I'll be here tomorrow...

Something to think about

This really made me reflect on some of the blessings we take for granted...taken from the Autobiography of Malcolm X the chapter entitled "Saved"...this is what he said describing his first attempts to pray...

"The hardest test I ever faced in my life was praying. You understand. My comprehending, my believing the teachings of Mr. Muhammad had only required my mind's saying to me, "That's right!" or "I never thought of that."
But bending my knees to pray-that act-well, that took me a week.

You know what my life had been. Picking a lock to rob someone's house was the only way my knees had ever been bent before.

I had to force myself to bend my knees. And waves of shame and embarrassment would force me back up.
For evil to bend its knees, admitting its guilt, to implore the forgiveness of God, is the hardest thing in the world. It's easy for me to see and say that now. But then, when I was the personification of evil, I was going through it. Again, again, I would force myself back down into the praying-to-Allah posture. When finally I was able to make myself stay down-I didn't know what to say to Allah."

The Autobiography of Malcolm X: Done

Finally am done reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X...it is something I wanted to do for YEARS but it took me years to find the book n' I didn’t want to rush reading it so it took me longer than I expected but I really enjoyed every word of it and it sure deserves a re-read...

It's the story of a man who survived dramatic transformations in his beliefs a man with a message of change a man who courageously stood firm in the face of his enemies and was ready to sacrifice everything in the pursuit of seeking the pleasure of Allah and justice for his people...

My favorite part was his pilgrimage to Mecca...I stayed all night reading it n' when I was done I was never more proud to be a Muslim...now I do believe that there was more to his death than the Nation of Islam but God knows...

El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz R.I.P.

Gobbledygook!!

So what if you don’t always get what you want...it’s not the end of the world...this will teach u how to appreciate what u already have...n’ what if what u already have is not what u always wanted...ok maybe this will teach u how to appreciate what u already had...but what’s the point then!!...this is going no where...u r going nowhere...but what the hell is the point of going anywhere when there’s really nowhere to go!!...forget it u r wasted!!...u don’t know what u want!!...yaa whatever!!...

“This is me talking nonsense to me”

Zombie Demons

Rising from the dead and hunting me again!! I killed them before...I can do it again...so help me God!!

!!

NUMB . . . NUMB . . . NUMB . . . . . . . . . .

Now n' Then

Looking at my blogger profile down there…somehow it felt funny…I took the time to write it when I first started blogging back in 2005 I still cant believe it’s been two years already!!...i can say it was the first serious profile for me n’ I copied n’ pasted it since then…
How much of the person I used to be is left?!...Lets see!!

Somehow I still don’t always know what exactly I want...but now I can clearly say I know exactly what I don’t want…

I guess consciously or not i still offend thin-skinned ppl. but I learned my lesson the hard way to tone it down...

Yesterday, today, tomorrow n’ forevermore my hate for racism and racists was, is and will always be as intense as ever...

I think i got over my 2pac obsession n’ I can say that it is much more healthier now...i still like him as an artist n’ as a man :P...i still believe in everything good he represented...i still believe he converted to Islam n’ now am convinced that he’s dead...

When all's said and done am still praying for better days yet to come...

Ancient History!!

Going through some old stuff I stumbled on this piece of old paper...I have no idea why I kept it all these days...or should i say years!!...

I remember that I used to love math n' physics but after a whole year in collage I realized that there's nothing real about real analysis...mechanics was kinda nice though!! Either ways I failed n' looking at this piece of paper am not so sure what they meant by the piece of information circled in red!!!!

I had a good laugh out of this :)

Hearts & Minds

Dear blog,

Sorry I’ve been away for so long but what can I say?!...well when life can’t get any better it can only get worse :) ...NAAA it’s not that bad not bad at all but if I learned something the past few months it would be this “am putting it here for me to remember”:

“Breaking the rules can be fun sometimes, BUT it’s never fun to break ur own rules...Get ur rules straight, get ur mind straight”

W RAMADAN KAREEM!!

Sharsha7a Day...

Yesterday at work everyone was feeling down in the dumps...that's when we came up with the "Anti-Depression Club" with few selected ppl. from different departments...the activities of this club is scheduled on every Monday...
Today's activity is called "Sharsha7a Day" literal translation w'd be "Fashion-mess Day"...we get to wear whatever we want as long as we look a mess...so my choice for today was: yellow boots, fire-red socks, black skirt "so I can reveal the socks :P", orange long T-shirt+ black top with cap, brownish tie "dad's" and the T-shirt's price tag (I made sure that it was obvious enough)...guaranteed mess...

That was fun :D

When Life Can't Get Any Better!!

How can I be grateful enough?!…with all the blessings!...I just don’t know where to start…God have always been so generous n’ good to me…even if I spent the rest of my life…starting tonight…praising the lord only for the blessing of having such good ppl. around inspiring me all the way… I bet when I die I will still be buried in debt …

So another year passed already…am a quarter of a century old :P…God how time keeps on flying away?!…but as long as they r good times who the hell is counting!!…

Sending out love to my family, mom n’ dad my brothers n’ the rest of my extended family some really long list…but special thanks to Razan, Dima, Lubna n’ Lil Tammam “born on the same day 9 years later“ am glad that u turned out to be a rapper after all ;P…my sweet n’ most precious friends: Nisrin, Iyad, Amal, Dareen, Husam, Diala, Ramaz, Nora, Firas n’ Maysa…I simply can’t thank u all enough guys…also surprisingly I had a birthday surprise at work…that was sooo sweet n’ I really didn’t see it coming…Thanks n’ “Happy Birthday” to Mona the other birthday girl “GIMENIES ROCK!!!” n’ many thanks to sweet Laila, squeaky Dima, Nora, Haitham, Sara n’ the rest of the gang…I really had a blast of a time!!!...well life goes on n’ hopefully it will keep on getting better n’ better…THANK U ALL & THANK U GOD!!!...

Tag: 10 simple pleasures of mine

A nice cup of coffee first thin' in the morning
A 2pac song any time
A good book late at night
Hanging out with my sweet friends
Picking up a fun fight with my brothers :P
A good night sleep
When a simple wish come true
When problems solve themselves
Taking a hot bath on a cold day

Watching a nice movie

More ppl. To tag: 3ammo Sam, 3mmo Rahaf and 3ammo Noura...

The rules:
You have to use the picture in my post...You have to list exactly 10 points...You have to tag 3 bloggers when you are done.

FOR GOD SAKE!

First I thought it was some stupid joke...some ppl. with a lot of money n’ time to waist but after the third SMS I realized that those folks r serious...
Am talking about those new Islamic satellite TV channels...some have good graphics and interactive stuff...like the SMS bar...well...not exactly the kind of SMS I expected to see on an Islamic channel...
Here’s a sample using literal translation:Wanted a wife no. 2 “2nd wife ya3ni not to be mistaken for something else :P”: fertile, tall, beautiful and have an apartment...
I bet they receive some pretty good replies...of course all is for God sake!!! n’ who the hell r we to say other wise?!!...

Too much estrogen

This is more like a nagging post but what the hell!!...i share my new office at the new job with some other 3 girls who r driving me crazy…if I hear another word about learning a new dance or some new collection at some fancy store or some new shoes…someone is definitely going to get hurt…too much crap too much nonsense too much yaaaayee…there's nothing more annoying to me than over pretentious girly girls…why wont they just get over themselves n' drop dead…
I'll try to think of it as a challenge…if I can somehow influence a couple of them or simply just try not to beat the crap out of them…yet a bigger challenge for me :)…

How I hold on to my pencil?!

I always hated that ppl. always borrow my pencil at the office n' never give it back when it's the only thing I like to write with...So I came up with an idea...so far it it's working...not even that...when am offering it no one seems to be interested!!...Wonder why?!...

*there’s ‘ ه’ letter missing in the pic. * ... In English “this pencil is for donkeys-keep ur hands off”
I’ve been waiting for this a long time now...finally my boss was in a rush today and asked me for my pencil...i gave it to him n’ took off so he can figure it by himself...boy u should see the look on his face :D

"Off" is the word!

I did not quit on blogging. Thank you very much…

But I’ve been so off lately probably for the following reasons:

- Am between jobs now, I’ll be working with the new ppl. next month. While the old ones are giving me hard time Cuz they don’t want me to leave…

- Exams are on, with a great possibility that I might not make it to the third year as scheduled…

- My dear family are treating me overly nice probably cuz they can see how much am stressed out...

- It’s been ages since the last time I went to any of my grammas’ house…and it is starting to get into the “7aram”, “sin” zone…

- Am so disconnected from my friends and it’s killing me the most…

SHOOT ME!!!

Ever tried to forward two emails at the same time...opening two windows...one with an extremely funny stuff...and the other with an extremely embracing stuff (that r supposed to be funny...but not anymore!!)....after checking every name on the address book for the first....and just a female co-worker address for the second....and after clicking on SEND it turned out that the two emails somehow got sent all together to the "every single name on my address book" including an X-boss....

I really want to kill myself...after killing my coW-worker...

NEVER EVER try to send two emails at the same time...or maybe NEVER EVER SEND EMAILS AT ALL...I REALLY HATE MYSELF NOW!!!!...SOMEONE SHOOT ME PLEASE!!!!....

Perfectly Senseless!!!

Contemplating on the famous saying: " Its better to have loved and lost…Than never to have loved at all "…I always thought that it is stupid and could never be true…
Which brings me to this joke I heard today…it's not bad at all if u r not eating :P…
Two guys walking down the street when they came across a pile of shit…the 1st guy: 'is this a pile of shit?!'…the 2nd guy: ''no it isn't"…'I bet it is'…"I bet it isn't"…'trust me it is'…"trust me it isn't"…'I'll prove it'…he bent over and tasted it…'see I told u it is shit'…still…"no it isn't"…'trust me it is'…"no it isn't"…'try it then'…the 2nd guy tries it…"oh ya it is shit!"…'see I told u'…"ya good thing we didn't step in it!!!"…
So at the end…"it's better to taste the shit than to step in it!!!"

Like my new scarf?!...well I do...

I saw something like it somewhere on TV and instantly I sat my mind on this...it took me three days only to complete this more than 2 meters scarf *knock on wood*...while it took me additional 6 days to post this *knock on my wooden head*...

You can call me "M3etteh" but nothing can measure up to the feeling of building something from scratch and see it build up till the last knot is tied...

BONJOUR!

4:45 AM...the first attempt to wake me up for Fajer prayer...of course it didn't work....but then down the street a woman screaming!...glass breaking!...u think it's an accident?!...well think again!!!...

I got up like crazy n' went out on the balcony to check it n' I could see that my brothers r already standing at the window...i can see a Taxi and a young woman standing next to it...i thought attempt kidnap...but NO!!!...
The young woman then moved across the side fence of our building...throwing stones at a window at in our building...when she started shouting again "Ya (a guy's first name)" "the son of (a well known family name)"..."come n' pick your B**** ur sister from the streets"..."u don’t wanna come out don’t u"..."I'll call the police...i'll show u...u n' the B*** sister"...then she got in the cab again n' left...
I got in n' went to pray...but after 10 minutes...O.M.G. she's screaming again...but this time she said "Ya (a girl's first name)"..."the daughter of (the same well known family name)"..."leave my husband alone u B****"..."find urself some F**** single man"..."just leave my husband alone u B****"...
She got back to the cab n' took off again...by then the sun almost came up...n' could clearly see that she's a very attractive woman (Perfect Hair & Perfect Body)...n' a lot of ppl. were staring from their balconies...what a scene!!!...
I thought it's over by now...but NOO!!!...10 minutes latter...the screaming is back "if I saw u down the street I'll cut in two u B****" "I swear to God I'll kill u B****"...this time an elderly woman n' a young guy...what appeared to be the girl's very confused mom n' brother approached..."U say am a B****"..."I'll show u a B****"..."u wanna bring me the cops"..."am waiting right here"..."but u need to learn how to discipline that B**** daughter of urs"...she took off again screaming all the way...

By then it was 6:15 AM...i took a look at our lovely neighborhood...fancy cars!...fancy places!...fancy ppl.!...but how many shitty lives this FANCY is hiding?!!!...
I also said goodbye to 2 hours of sleep which w'd have made a nice sum of 4 hours :(...what a way to start a day!...

YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN

Last night I literally cleaned up my closet...i got rid of some old books n' notebooks...it's good to remember how we used to pick up a pen to write so many pages...it's good to remember how I used to be a math & physics girl...

All I can say now is goodbye Vector Calculus...goodbye Vector Analysis...goodbye atomic structure...goodbye Linux...goodbye Oracle...goodbye C++ builder...am sorry I have to say this…YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN...

Good to know!

Lately I was occupied at the Damascus International Fair as the company i work for had a big private booth there...

What caught my eyes this year is there's no sign for the Saudi or the Egyptian flags i don't know how many other countries dropped out this year!!!...well...BOOHOO!!!...as if!!!...

There was this young business woman from China "Ms. Ma" that we were supposed to keep busy as much as we could so she won't get the chance to meet others...

So i gathered a bunch of guys n' two girls she already been introduced to and my brother n' went looking for her...when we finally found her n' i introduced my brother to her...her immediate reply was not nice to meet u or any other formal reply!!..."u r so handsome"..."all of u r so good looking here"..."Just like movie stars"...that's what she said...i didn't know what to say except "well too bad they r all taken"..."except for my brother"...her reply was simply "i know a Chinese girl who w'd love to marry u"...of course my brother's smile was up to his ears...i guess he'll be hearing from her soon :P...boy we mad a scene there...

After all isn't it good to know that Syrian ppl are handsome JUST LIKE MOVIE STARS...

What do u see when u look at me?

• What do you see when you look at me
• Do you see someone limited,
• or someone free?
• All some people can do is just look and stare
• Simply because they can't see my hair.
• Others think I am controlled and uneducated
• They think that I am limited and un-liberated.
• They are so thankful that they are not me
• Because they would like to remain 'free.'
• Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
• Describing women who are cheated on and abused.
• They think that I do not have opinions or voice
• They think that being hooded isn't my choice.
• They think that the hood makes me look caged
• That my husband or dad are totally outraged.
• All they can do is look at me in fear
• And in my eye there is a tear.
• Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
• But because people are ignoring the One up Above.
• Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
• But at least I am filled with more inner beauty.
• Real men are able to appreciate my mind
• And aren't busy looking at my behind.
• Hooded girls are the ones really helping the muslim cause
• The role that we play definitely deserves applause.
• We have the strength to do what we think is right
• Even if it means putting up a life long fight.
• You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt
• We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt.
• So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
• We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated.
• We are the ones that are free and pure
• We're free of STD's that have no cure.
• So when people ask you how you feel about the hood
• Just sum it up by saying 'Baby, its all good!' ;)

A girl named Nadia from Sweden once wrote this poem about girls wearing hijab (covring up their hair)...well it must be said that things are different around here, but still!!

Modern History My A**

History was my most hated class in school...especially when it was about our modern history...i used to think its sooo stupid...how any retarded half-brained idiot can accept such treaties and agreements...even a stupid child could see that it's not fair and it's not in our favor!...
Now to the coming generation it will be ancient history...and i can't help but to wonder what will they think about their modern history?!!!...